Campus Life, The Bitter Truth

In almost every tertiary institution in Nigeria, you find ‘undergraduate couples’ living as husbands and wives. You find a lot of these misguided people in virtually all schools. It is so bad that, often times, they are duly recognised and acknowledged as couples by lodge, neighbours, classmates and even leaders of various students associations. Little wonder there is such an award as “The Best Couple of the Year Award” shamelessly and thoughtlessly received by students... Like I said earlier, I really do not know the particular gender to address but let me just keep typing.

The rate at which girls live with their boyfriends in their various off campus hostels is painfully alarming.
Most times, these young girls are very beautiful, with bright and promising future. They cohabit with boys who are their fellow students as roommates. The lugubrious part of it is that the silly girl would always introduce the small boy as her fiancé... Our society is really sick courtesy of those that live in it. These girls collect either hostel fees or house rents from unsuspecting (and sometimes, struggling) parents and end up in the house of a boy.

You struggled possibly for several years to gain admission. Then you suddenly became a prayer warrior posting and shouting ‘Ameen’ at the slighted provocation. You fasted. You had one prayer point filled with promises of your loyalty and devotion to God if only He would answer your prayer. Now that He has fulfilled His part by answering and granting you admission, do not you think He is expecting you to fulfill your own part, to keep whatever promises you made to Him???.

Many of you just got admission and once you settle down (especially from your second year),  crazy thoughts will begin to creep into your minds. Yes by then, the heat of the rush would have been over; If God did not capture you (possibly through the various campus religious associations or societies), boys would have caught you. In my school we even have an unrecognised, unregistered but well offered course (Moz101. moz, being the short form for Mozambique hall, were fresh female students are accommodated). For the guys its a course that shouldn't be carried over.

Soon, they would persuade you to move in with them. Of course, they would give you one thousand reasons to make you give in to their prodding... Before you agree to move in and live with a boy on campus, consider the reason why you are in school in the first place. What image would you be creating about yourself?

Can this boy marry you in case you get pregnant for him as is always the case, or will you resort to series of abortions like many other girls before you?

What advice will you give your children in future concerning this kind of things? After school, what next?

Will the relationship really lead you anywhere?.

This post is finally addressing the female folks. I did not plan it that way. Maybe it isbecause they are the worst hit by the grave consequences of illicit sexual relationships. They are the ones that turn out to be the sore losers in the end.

They call it school life but they don’t realise how idiotic they have been till it’s too late. You are not in school to get married. Part of the reasons why you are in school IS NOT to get the husband-and-wife experience, to see what it feels like for the boy to provide the money for food and for the girl to go to the market for food stuffs and cook. That is pure misplacement of purpose!

One guy told me that he was practically learning how to be a caring and romantic husband. Such shameless! Then you hear the girl say, “We are not doing anything, we are just roommates”. Yet she commits countless abortions before graduation... Yes, your admission has given you unlimited freedom. Yes, your parents are not there to tell you what to do or what not to do. There is even no blood relation around, so there is no fear of someone reporting you. But what about giving your womanhood respect and protecting your dignity?

What about living in such a way as to have a positive story to tell the next generation (including your children) without your conscience pricking you?

What Goes Around Will Definitely Come Around...

Why not exercise a moment of thorough thinking...

May God have mercy on our wives to be and our children to come... What a generation!

Who is now the Anti-Tertiary Institution, the writer or the students with misplacement of purpose?

Education , Relationship

Campus Life, The Bitter Truth

Adewale Wednesday, 8 November 2017

No Condition is Permanent, Life is too Dynamic

Share by foluke Akosile:
In 2010 I was a senior manager in a nice firm, my future was bright in the company and I was highly recommended for head of my department. There was a rising star as well, his name is Jacob. I tutored him and tried to manage his excesses because he was exceptionally brilliant. But, he was lazy and carefree. Hardly would he take corrections and rarely would he apologise.

My other colleagues wondered what I saw in him, but they weren’t working directly with him. I knew his type: he hated structure and would never last under a corporate environment. Still, he was a brilliant strategist. I handled him well and our results together with others on my team was highly commendable.

There came a time I was having marital issues and for this reason, I had little patience with Jacob and his shenanigans. I was short-tempered with him but he had gotten used to me managing his excesses, he didn’t take my anger seriously. In two weeks, I had given him 3 queries. This meant dismissal and when I was asked by HR if I truly wanted to let him go, I could not care less. I had my own problems and was not in the mood to babysit anyone.

Three years later, I lost my job because the company was downsizing and top management was affected. I foolishly assumed I would get a job anywhere so initially, I wasn’t worried. But 12 months in, I was still searching and my savings was dwindling fast. I decided, since I wasn’t getting any job, I’d drive my SUV as a cab to those commuting from the airport. This was better than waiting around for nothing…

The cab job surprisingly was not doing badly as I was picking up and dropping off esteemed clients. It wasn’t a lot of money but it was steady.

In July 2016, an esteemed client asked me to pick up his friend from the airport because his driver had flaked on him. This person I was to pick up would turn out to be Jacob. When he called to confirm his location, I instantly recognised his voice. My heart plunged but I wasn’t going to reject the job and disappoint a long-term client. Jacob exited the airport with only a hand luggage so there was no need for me to alight from the car. As he got in the car, I looked back from the driver’s seat to greet him but he was distracted on the phone and never looked up to notice me. He only answered my greeting and asked me to get going

As I drove him all the way to a hotel on the Island, I had tears in my eyes. He looked like he was doing well, his conversations on the phone also showed that he was in control. Jacob had done well for himself and I was now driving him. Life is tricky and has a way of making you the butt of its joke. I cannot lie that I was ashamed but I would never forgive myself if I let him go without letting him know I was proud of him.

We got to the hotel and I quickly got down from the car to open his door. This was when he noticed me. He was speechless for a while then he said in Yoruba “Oga you have been the one driving me since?” He was shocked at first but then he hugged me tight. The tears finally poured, I can’t really say what I felt but I know I expect his reaction.

“I heard you were let go, I sent you a message on my other number to find out how you were but you never responded”He said while still holding on to my shoulders

I remember receiving a message from him but he was one out of many that called or texted to pity me. I didn’t want anyone’s pity so I never responded.

Jacob made me park my car and took me in to his room to talk. He immediately told me about his new gig. After he was laid off, he got a consultation deal with a multinational which opened doors for him in other multinationals. Now, he has 15 people working for him but he was in desperate need of someone who does the same as him and he didn’t have to worry about their competence. He just wanted to focus more on bringing business to the company.

My life changed that day. I resumed work with Jacob in one week and I have made sure since then to treat his company as if it were mine.

I don’t know why he treated me so nicely after what I did to him but as men, we have never talked about it. I am sure though, that he can feel my gratitude in the way I work and my zeal in doing all I can to make sure he doesn’t have to worry about the back-end.

I hope someone learns from this. lf the world turns upside down, you may end up cleaning for your cleaner. Please always remember this when you act without consideration of the other person’s future.

History , Motivation , Relationship

No Condition is Permanent, Life is too Dynamic

Adewale Friday, 27 October 2017

Analogy of Marriage, Be Guided

"MARRIAGE is like a shoe. When you wear oversize, be ready to drag it along through out life, and when you wear under-size be ready to feel the pains through out life".

One thing about marriage is that you don't drop your shoe or remove it at any point, no matter how painful or how stressful it is. That is why I thought it necessary to write you this letter.

Dear Singles, When you are ready to buy your own shoe please take note of these three things:

PHYSICAL APPEARANCE : Do not look for the beautiful ones, the nice ones or the cheap ones. Look for the one that is your size. Not every handsome, wealthy or intelligent guy is for you, not every beautiful woman is for you. Look for the one that is meant for you, the one that aligns with your values and belief, the one who you meet at your life's journey. It is important to know where you're going in life before you think of getting a wife.

POSITION : All sizes of shoes are not placed in the same place. There is a place for court shoes, laced up shoes, sport footwear, snickers etc. We have Children sizes, young people's sizes and the adult sizes. Know where to get your own shoe. Your size cannot be everywhere my brother, your type cannot be everywhere my sister. You cannot be a Christian, and be looking for a wife material at a club. Your wife or husband can't just be everywhere. Stick to your values and therein you shall find someone like you, but when your values are not defined anyone can just match you. Discover yourself and define your values.

PERCEPTION : In this kind of shoe purchasing enterprise, you are not permitted to try the shoe before you buy. This is why it is important to seek guidance and counseling, from people who have bought shoes before or are into the business of directing people to the right shoes. And most importantly to avoid much time wasting time, simply consult the SHOE MANUFACTURER to tell you your size (GOD ALMIGHTY ).

"You do not prepare for wedding, you prepare for marriage." Ladies these days get so motivated when they attend wedding and they will quickly want to say yes to that guy. 

Wait!!! It is not just the wedding oh. The wedding is just one day. After the wedding WHAT NEXT?

Finally, it is not something you rush to the market and just pick a shoe because you like or can purchase it. Ask questions -Where is this shoe made from? (Background) -What's the size (Values) -How much (His/Her interest) -How long will it last (His/Her Character) -Who made it? (Is she/He of the same faith This is compatibility) -Will it match me? (This is whether he/she love you and will accept you the way you are)

Dear one, remember many are dragging their foot and they would hardly reach their destinies, many are feeling endless pains and wish they could pull off the shoes but no way!!! I have seen people with beautiful shoes and when they show you their foot, you will see scars.

Beloved, it is not about the physical, it is the size, you can't know the sizel from afar so come close, build a relationship first but remember 'you are not permitted to try it before you buy it'.

And for those who have purchased the wrong shoes, you can still make it your size again if you'd consult the manufacturer and let Him have His way in your marriage.

SHARE SHARE SHARE 

Relationship

Analogy of Marriage, Be Guided

Adewale Thursday, 5 October 2017

5 Little Things That Will Improve Your Relationship.

Happy couples know that good relationships take work. It’s a joint effort by both of you to keep a good thing going. But you don’t have to make grand gestures like sweeping them off to a second honeymoon to have a healthy relationship. Sometimes it’s the small things that make all the difference.

No matter how good things are with your partner, they can always be better. For couples who are looking to improve on their relationships, here are 5 little things that you can start doing right away.

5 LITTLE THINGS THAT WILL IMPROVE YOUR RELATIONSHIP

1. ELIMINATE “YES BUT” FROM YOUR VOCABULARY.

When your partner wants to do something that you don’t want to do, you can easily disappoint them by saying no to their request. “Yes but” is a little phrase that really means the same as saying “No.” The “but” is usually followed by an excuse for why you don’t want to do what your partner wants.

For example, if your partner wants to go for an afternoon of golf and you’d rather go to a movie, instead of saying “Yes but I want to go to a movie,” say “Yes, AND then we can go see a movie after we golf.” With “Yes and,” you both get what you want and you have two activities that you can share in.

2. LET THE LITTLE THINGS GO.

In a relationship, it’s all about compromise. You can’t have your way all the time and neither can your partner. Accept that your partner has different preferences than you do, and that’s what makes them unique.

Avoid arguments by releasing the need to have things your way. When your partner wants something their way, let them have it. Don’t keep score either.

The same goes for the need to be right all the time. If your partner and you are arguing over what time your favorite TV show comes on, one of you is probably wrong. In the big picture of your relationship over your lifetime, you won’t still be debating this ten years from now, so let it go. Otherwise the nonstop arguments over little things could be the reason that you don’t have that ten year anniversary.

3. LISTEN INTENTLY.

Think about the last time that you heard someone speak who captured your full attention. Maybe it was a famous person making a speech about a topic that was interesting to you. Now think about the last time that your partner spoke to you. Can you even remember what they said? What was the difference in your attitude and behavior toward each speaker?

We speak at a slower rate than our minds are capable of processing information. As a result, while our partners are talking, our thoughts often wander to the little things that are important to us like what we could be getting done instead of listening to them talk.

Rather than disrespecting your partner by not giving them your full attention, practice active listening. Remove distractions like your cell phone, turn your body toward your partner make eye contact, and don’t interrupt them. As they speak, try to mentally summarize their meaning in your own words. When they finish, clarify that you understood what they were trying to communicate.

4. PLAY TOGETHER.

A study in The Family Journal found that relationship satisfaction was higher for couples who played together more frequently. The shared experiences of a fun time together create a bond that improves intimacy.

Play can be anything from a physical activity like a sport to movie night at home. Finding opportunities to have fun doesn’t have to be a planned activity either. Play with your partner could be as simple as sharing a laugh.

Find humor in everyday things that you can playfully tease your partner about. For example, have a laugh with each other over the fact that you almost poured orange juice into your cereal. If you two have an inside joke that no one else could understand, you share that private connection in your relationship.

5. EXPRESS GRATITUDE TO YOUR PARTNER.

Margaret Paul, Ph.D., author of Do I Have To Give Up Me To Be Loved By You? says that “Complaints create stress, while gratitude creates inner peace, so gratitude creates not only emotional and relationship health, but physical health as well.” Reducing stress is a great reason to appreciate your partner.

Focusing on positives rather than negatives also improves your attitude toward your partner. If your spouse just fixed the dishwasher but left a mess of tools and dirty parts on the counter, focus on the good and not the bad. Instead of saying “Why can’t you put your tools away where they belong?,” say “It’s wonderful to have a loving partner who can fix things when they break.” When your words express what’s going right in your relationship, your thoughts agree with them.

Marriage , Relationship

5 Little Things That Will Improve Your Relationship.

Adewale Sunday, 6 December 2015

10 Habits That will save your relationship

“It is not a lack of love, but a lack of friendship that makes couples unhappy.”

A partnership is complicated, and one that is successful is both complicated and an art form. Being in a successful partnership is a learned skill; t takes patience, forgiveness, determination and hard work. The key to a successful partnership is to be mindful in the relationship, stay in a positive space as much as possible and to find laughter and fun in every day despite the challenges that will inevitably arise.

There has to be a solid foundation built on trust and understanding. It should be no surprise that you must like each other as much as you love each other to succeed together. You must be willing to do the work and be patient with one another while forging your path. As you learn to be good together, you will create a shared experience that will end up making your relationship successful.

HERE ARE 10 HABITS THAT KEEP COUPLES HAPPY:

THEY HAVE A SHARED PURPOSE

A strong sense of purpose shared with your partner will empower you both to be your best selves. The purpose is more than having a successful relationship it should be significant, have deep meaning and be well-defined. It might be something like reducing your carbon footprint or a lifelong quest to see every country. Whatever your purpose it should excite you both.

THEY ENJOY BEING OF SERVICE

Strong partnerships are rooted in being of service to others. Giving, contributing, and helping others and your community provides value to both the people you are serving and to your relationship. Volunteering often provides more benefits to those who do the volunteering than those who receive help. Sharing in doing good brings that good back into your relationship.

THEY ARE QUICK TO FORGIVE

It’s practically impossible to chart a path towards success without some missteps. Holding on to grudges is one way to derail the relationship altogether. Forgiveness is something you do for yourself. It allows you and your partner both to move on and grow from the experience.

THEY’RE SUPPORTIVE OF EACH OTHER’S INDIVIDUALITY

To be successful and happy as a couple, each person must be successful in their own right. Who you are as an individual is a big part of the bigger picture. To be successful as a couple, both partners must honor and support the things that make up the person, not just the entity of the couple.

THEY TALK ABOUT MONEY

Money is one of the major reasons why partners become unhappy, so for a relationship to succeed both partners need to get real about the money. Take the fear out of the money piece by talking about it and by being honest about the bottom line. It’s easy to handle money challenges when both of you are completely aware of the situation.

THEY FIND THE HUMOR

No one will argue that life is hard. The best way to survive the hard times is to find humor and laughter. Granted, humor isn’t found in all situations but seek out humor to lighten the mood whenever you can and when it’s appropriate.

THEY KNOW HOW TO PICK THEIR BATTLES

Somethings are worth fighting for and other things – well, not so much. Successful couples do not waste time fighting about things that don’t matter over the long term. They pick their battles around things that matter to them individually, to them as a couple and to the success of their relationship. And when they do fight they fight fair.

THEY TAKE RESPONSIBILITY FOR THEIR OWN HAPPINESS

Happier people are more successful, and a partnership is better off when both partners are happy. The thing is happy people also know that no one else can make them happy and that they must handle their own happiness.

THEY VALUE THEIR DIFFERENCES

It’s the differences in each person and what they bring to a relationship that is often the reason a relationship succeeds. Relationships are a give and take and rely on the strengths that each person brings to help it grow. Respecting and valuing the differences in each other makes it so each person is comfortable contributing to the relationship.

THEY PRACTICE GRATITUDE

Gratitude is the foundation for building a successful relationship. It keeps the focus on what is working and helps you learn from what is holding the relationship back. When a couple practices gratitude in their relationship, they make their relationship a priority, and there is no greater recipe for success.

While none of these traits will guarantee a successful, long-lasting relationship, it is safe to say they can only help make any relationship stronger. It is the combination of the best of ourselves paired with the best of our partner in a respectful space that will keep the relationship growing and evolving into a successful partnership.

“The whole is greater than the sum of its parts.” – Aristotle

Marriage , Relationship

10 Habits That will save your relationship

Adewale

6 Ways To Attract the Right People and make them love you

You might wonder how certain people seem to attract others to them so easily; maybe they have some magic spells they perform each night to make people like them, or maybe they just have a likeable personality…

Even though some people naturally have a more outgoing, friendly personality, that doesn’t mean you need to become the loudest, funniest, most transparent person in the room in order to make friends.

People gravitate toward others who they perceive as good listeners, attentive, kind, and understanding. Also, being genuine and open will make others feel as though they can trust you, because you don’t try too hard or put on a mask. In our world today, many of us still hide our face due to fear of judgment or ridicule, or because we don’t know how to really act around others, but getting people to like you doesn’t have to feel like learning a new language.

Presenting yourself to the right people in a way that will make them attracted to you may seem difficult, but it doesn’t have to be.

HERE ARE 6 WAYS TO ATTRACT THE RIGHT PEOPLE:

1. DON’T BE AFRAID OF VULNERABILITY.

Many people feel scared of vulnerability, because they fear what other people might think or say about them. However, you can’t really get to know someone, or let someone get to know you, without opening up a little. Present yourself proudly and confidently, and don’t try to hide certain aspects of yourself or pretend to be someone else. People actually love realness in a world full of insincerity, so put yourself out there. Honesty goes a long way in getting people to like you, so don’t put up your walls in fear of what others may think.

2. CALL THE PERSON BY THEIR NAME.

One surefire way to lose someone’s interest and trust is to forget their name. When someone tells you their name, remember it, and call them by it throughout your conversation with them. This might not seem significant, but people love hearing their name; it makes them feel important, special, and cared for. If you can make someone feel that way, you can easily gain friends, and get them to stick around.

3. SMILE!

No one likes to talk with someone who seems too serious, uncomfortable, or stressed. Smiling will quickly dispel any awkwardness or anxiety about meeting someone new, because it signals to other people that you have good energy. Smiles act as magnets, drawing people in and attracting others who (hopefully) share similar energy. Frowns do exactly the opposite; they repel people, blocking out potential friends and conversations.

People will notice your smile before they even get to hear you speak, so emitting positive vibes and good energy will make you appear more open and receptive to people. According to a survey by Delta Dental, a smile is a person’s most important physical feature, so make sure you share it with people when you meet them.

4. ASK MORE QUESTIONS.

People like to feel important, like they’re being heard. Clarifying what they’ve said to make sure you understand properly will make the speaker feel valued, so asking some questions makes a conversation go much more smoothly. This will show that you’re interested and engaged in the conversation, and your exceptional listening skills will not go unnoticed by others. Too many people today check their phones in the middle of a conversation, or think so much about what they will say next that they totally miss the meaning behind the other person’s words.

Active listening involves asking questions for greater understanding, and doing so will instantly make you more likeable.

5. LAUGH AT YOURSELF.

People relate more with those who have a sense of humor, who can laugh at themselves despite any shortcomings or mistakes they’ve made. Laughter takes the heaviness out of life temporarily, and allows people to forget about the problems at work or argument they just had, or anything else that weighs them down. If you can make someone laugh, then you’ve made a friend for life. People gravitate towards those who don’t take themselves too seriously, because laughing at yourself means you know how to take things in stride and not allow them to control you or your emotions.

6. GIVE PEOPLE YOUR FULL ATTENTION.

Most importantly, treat people as if they matter more than anything else in the world while you speak to them. Turn toward them, nod to show them that you’re listening, and put your phone away. Attracting the right people just comes down to treating people like human beings, not like objects with no feelings. People want to feel like their voice is being heard, and if you can give them undivided attention, it will go a long way in increasing your likeability.

Marriage , Relationship

6 Ways To Attract the Right People and make them love you

Adewale

I hope you fall in love with someone just like this.

I hope you fall in love with someone who always calls you back and never lets you fall asleep making you feel unwanted. I hope you fall in love with someone who holds your hand during the scary parts of horror movies and burns cookies with you while you’re both busy dancing around the kitchen. I hope you fall in love with someone who tickles you and makes you smile on hard days and on easy ones. But beyond all that I hope you fall in love with someone who will never leave you behind and who will never take you for granted. Someone who will stand by you when you’re right and stand by you when you’re wrong. Someone who has seen you at your worst and loves you still. I hope you fall in love with someone who kisses you in the rain and hugs you when you’re cold and wouldn’t have it any other way.
To crown it all, some that fear God, he/she will never cheat or disappointed you, such marriage is build on solid and good foundation, it last forever.

Marriage , Relationship

I hope you fall in love with someone just like this.

Adewale Friday, 4 December 2015